About Coach Jack e-mail
Jack and Toshie Ito

Books and Help from Coach Jack Ito PhD

Dr. Jack Ito's Book

What to Do When He Won't Change

connecting through yes book

Connecting Through “Yes!”


build love with communication

Building Love through Better Communication: 5 Free Lessons for Women


communication e-book

Back in the Picture: The Man's Guide to Better Communication in Marriage and Committed Relationships

No matter how bad your situation feels, there are things we can do to make it better

Feeling hopeless doesn't mean it's over. It means it's time for a new approach.


Feeling trapped, stuck, frustrated, and even burned out are feelings we have when we don't know what to do. It has nothing to do with really being trapped or stuck. When you learn positive and effective things to do for your relationship you will no longer feel stuck or trapped. And, your relationship will improve. Feeling trapped or stuck signals a need for an effective solution. If I am lost in a forest and someone hands me a map and a compass, instantly I will feel a lot better.

A puzzle is only a puzzle until someone shows you how to solve it

Feeling like the relationship has already failed. Failure happens whenever we use methods that don't work. It doesn't mean our relationship is over. Every person in every profession, sport, or relationship experiences multiple failures until they learn the correct skills and get experience using them. Failure is only part of the learning curve when we continue to learn and practice. Repeated failure is merely a signal to get help from someone who knows better (e.g. coach, teacher, counselor, pastor, relationship coach).

Relationship coaching clients report feeling more hopeful as soon as they discover some things they can do.

Determine your emotional readiness for coaching

Not everyone is emotionally ready to work on their relationship. We can't just set aside strong emotions, but we must be able to do effective things until our emotions improve. If you are not emotionally ready for coaching, counseling should come first.

Read these two characteristics to see if you are emotionally ready for relationship coaching:


(Coaching candidates)

Emotionally ready people face reality. They give up the comforts of self-deception and avoidance. They are open to examining their current actions and are determined to replace unhelpful methods with helpful methods. They seek expert guidance and knowledge to become more personally effective, get more love, and have closer relationships.

Emotionally ready people take responsibility. Regardless of who is to blame for their problems, they do not wait for their partners to fix them. They are less concerned with being right, feeling justified, or blaming than they are with improving the relationship. They recognize that direct efforts to change their partners do not work and only cause greater emotional distance.

If you are not emotionally ready for coaching, then counseling is recommended as an initial intervention. If you are ready, choose the coaching package that best suits your situation.

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