About Coach Jack e-mail
Jack and Toshie Ito

Books and Help from Coach Jack Ito PhD

Dr. Jack Ito's Book

What to Do When He Won't Change

connecting through yes book

Connecting Through “Yes!”


build love with communication

Building Love through Better Communication: 5 Free Lessons for Women


communication e-book

Back in the Picture: The Man's Guide to Better Communication in Marriage and Committed Relationships

What is the One Obstacle, That if You Dealt with Today, Would Make the Biggest Difference in Your Relationship?

Do you see your partner or yourself in this list?

Distant Negative Selfish
Demanding Depressed Judgmental
Unfaithful Anxious Secretive
Non-committal Avoidant Cruel
Jealous Needy Avoidant
Unhappy Uncooperative Passive


When you see this in your partner.

Although it may not seem like it, your partner is not trying to be difficult. No one intentionally tries to create a bad relationship. And no one really feels better when they behave in these ways. Both you and your partner have the need to give and receive love, and to feel important. There are reasons that your partner has become this way. Understanding those reasons can really help you to get the love back in your relationship. When the communication is difficult, though, it can be really hard to talk about these things and to get a good understanding of your partner.

When you see this in yourself.

It can be really surprising when we recognize one of these in ourselves. By the time we do recognize it, it is long after other people already know it. They have already developed a way of dealing with you that helps to protect them and to keep you at arm's length. To rebuild your relationship will require both making changes in yourself, as well as helping those other people to see you as different. The less that your partner trusts you, the harder it becomes to re-earn the trust, even when you make genuine changes.

The place to start is always with yourself.

Our partner may have many more problems than we do, but having just one of these will be something that your partner points to and uses as an excuse for his or her behavior. You can end up just defending yourself rather than making any real progress in communication or change, for you or your partner. When you change, though, you take away this excuse from your partner. Not only that, but you earn a new level of respect that is important for healing your relationship. Respect has to be built before good communication can happen.

Next, you need to use healthy boundaries to limit the damage done by your partner's behavior

It may not be fair if we have to work more because of our partner's behavior, but it is effective. Waiting for our partners to change isn't. I wrote my book, "What to Do When He Won't Change," just for this purpose of helping women to reconnect and having a loving relationship with their difficult partners. But men also need this kind of help. Fortunately, for both men and women with such obstacles, there is relationship coaching. The changes you will make aren't hard. It's being consistent that will really make the difference.

Whether you use relationship coaching, self-help books, or advice from Yahoo, the important thing is to become as effective as possible, as quickly as possible. The mere passage of time does nothing to improve a relationship, but it does help people to get used to being disconnected with their partner. Then, people have both the original problem, and the disconnection to deal with. The longer the disconnection, the more difficult it becomes to reconnect.

If you choose relationship coaching, you can start to see change within 24 hours.

That's especially true with the deluxe coaching package because within 24 hours of your registration you will receive a relationship assessment. That assessment will help you to focus in on the most important changes necessary for your relationship. Doing that, will help your relationship to once again become loving, vital, vibrant, and intimate. As you continue to work on that major obstacle, you and your partner will have less and less difficulty, while enjoying each other more and more.

Greater intimacy is inevitable once you start to make positive and effective changes in the way you respond to your partner.


What is the one obstacle that, if dealt with today, would make the biggest change in your relationship?

With the relationship coach advantage, you can:


Book: What To Do When He Won't Change

Article: How to Overcome Jealousy

Relationship Coaching Services

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